There are multiple things I hate about the state I live in, Utah. I’m trying to think of where to even possibly start. I’ll start alphabetically and see if I can come up with something for every damn letter of the alphabet. (Yes, I have a lot of free time at work today)
This is only for shits and giggles, I do plan on moving out of this state and am only doing this blog for mainly a joke! So please take with a grain of salt or stuff it up your ass either way, you know.
A - Alcohol
Utah has some of the weirdest alcohol laws, I have EVER seen, here is a few:
·Patrons may order liquor by the drink, wine by the glass or bottle, and beer in bottles, cans and on draft. Packaged liquor, wine, and heavy beer (over 3.2%) are available in State Liquor Stores and Package Agencies.
·Alcohol over 3.2 percent is available in State Liquor Stores and Package Agencies, but not bars. In commercial facilities, the time at which alcohol may be served is limited, and alcohol may not be sold any later than 1 AM under any circumstance.
·The maximum alcohol content is 4.0% by volume (3.2% by weight) for beer sold in taverns, beer establishments, and stores.
·Under Utah law you may not bring in alcoholic beverages into Utah, “alcoholic beverages” include all hard liquor, spirits, wine and beer. Beer and other malt beverage products that exceed 3.2% alcohol by weight or 4.0% by volume are considered “liquor”, and beer with an alcohol content of 3.2% or less is defined as “beer”.
·Utah has a keg beer law that prohibits anyone other than a licensed beer retailer from possessing beer (3.2%) in containers larger than two liters.
·Each shot of hard alcohol, served in Utah, is required by law to be no more than one fluid ounce. If you want a double, the bartender cannot, by law, give it to you. But you can ask for a side car. A side car is a single shot served along side your mixed drink (often with the unspoken intention of adding it to your drink).
·You can have a shot of liquor in front of you with a drink. However, the alcohol that is in your shot of liquor and in your drink cannot be the same.
·It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
·Restaurants offer a full liquor menu (if they choose to) but you’re required to purchase food in order have an alcoholic drink. Unless the establishment has a separate bar area.
·Malt beverages that are 4.0% abv such as Smirnoff Ice and Mike’s Hard Lemonade will soon be moving from grocery/convenient stores to liquors. The State Attorney General determined that these are too enticing to underage drinkers and must be tucked away to keep them safe.
Also Liquors stores in Utah are closed Sundays.
B - Barbies
Everyone in Utah tries to look like a god damn Barbie. It’s actually quite creepy, you know whole blonde hair, tanned and completely decked out in Aeropostale, Hollister, American Eagle, preppy brand clothes. Now there is nothing wrong with caring about how you look, everyone should at least care a little bit about their own appearance. But the people in Utah take it to a whole new level. It’s sad when your 40-something old mother is dressing and trying to look like a teenager.
C - Caffeine
The Mormon Church (majority) is against drinking anything with caffeine in it. It’s not as bad of a problem but when I first moved here, you were considered bad if you drank pop. Most people even hide it when they drink pop if they are LDS; I’ve seen people at work sneak pop in a non see through cup or brown bag. It’s actually really funny….
Also, it’s said LDS church has a big share of Pepsi co. Company. So when I first moved here I always wondered why my damn school only had 1 Coca Cola machine and a dozen Pepsi vending machines… could be a coincidence, but thought I would share it none of the less.
D - Divorce
Most people in Utah divorce and remarry like no other. I know a few friends mothers who have remarried over 4 times already! Friends who are my age (21 – 25) are usually on second marriage or divorced. Seriously, after the second one, I say just GIVE UP! Don’t bother remarrying unless, of course you are doing it for the money.
E - Education
The schools in Utah don’t care about education; they care about how much money they can suck out of the parents and students. They charge for everything and that’s no joke. It’s also really easy to pass classes; about 70% of your grade is just in attendance. Let’s just say the people in Utah aren’t the brightest crayons in the box.
F - Food
There is no real ethnic food in Utah. Utah’s idea of real Mexican food is at a restaurant that serves tater tots as a side dish.
G - Gamble
Gambling is illegal in Utah; there is no gambling of any kind, no lottery, and no casinos.
ARTICLE VI. LEGISLATIVE DEPARTMENT s 27
[Games of chance not authorized.]
The Legislature shall not authorize any game of chance, lottery or gift enterprise under any pretense or for any purpose.
H - Hospitals
In Utah it’s not really what you know, but who you know. So a lot of the doctors are not really qualified. A lot of them are pretty much, well, idiots.
I - Imitation
Everyone in Utah must be into the same things! It’s crazy, if all the rave is Scrap booking, then everyone must scrapbook, if canning is in, everyone must can! If you don’t follow the trend, you’re like an alien. If being preppy is cool, you better be preppy or prepare to be an outcast and tortured.
J - Jobs
Utah is a right to work state, up until a few months ago minimum wage was $5.15 and believe me, most jobs started out at minimum wage. Also, in Utah like I said before under hospitals, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. So of course most of the jobs and promotions go to people who are usually of same religion or ward (same church district so to say). For example, at my job we got a new general manager, he’s a LDS bishop and we needed to hire an office assistant for me, he wanted to go through ONLY LDS work services. In my opinion that’s bias, it’s pretty much saying he only wants to hire a person of that religion. It’s just a not very cool state to be in if you do not know someone or are not of the majority religion.
K - Kids
I have never seen so many kids than I have in the state of Utah. Seriously, it’s rare to not have at least 3 kids and it’s even more damn rare to not have any by the time you start college. Most families have to have SUVs or minivans or what we call MAV (Mormon Assault Vehicles). There’s nothing wrong with wanting children, but there is something wrong when you are only 20 and have a kid in each hand, one in a stroller and be big and pregnant with another one. Not only that, but Utah is a Pedophile heaven. NO ONE WATCHES THEIR DAMN KIDS. If only I could count how many times kids have been hit by cars in a main intersection or road because they wandered off from home while no one was watching them. Also, I have never seen such undisciplined spoiled little shits in my life than I have in Utah. Babies scream, kids throwing things and massacring stores while the mother ignores them and shops or talks to a friend. It’s an every day god damn thing! If any place needs birth control to be stuck in the water, it’s this state! Also, in some of the richer cities, it’s like a trophy to adopt an African American child.
A side note for this topic though is that a lot of girls in Utah will lie about being on birth control so they can get pregnant so the guys will have to stay with them.
L - Leisure
There’s not much to do in Utah unless you are an outdoors person and like to ski/snowboard, then well it’s great! I love to hike, but it’s only nice enough to do so during summer which doesn’t last long here. Because Sunday is a “Sacred day”, most things are closed and not many events will go on during a Sunday. The closest thing to a fun place is Lagoon, which is an amusement park, it’s no where near as cool as Six Flags or Disneyland, however, let me show you the prices to those amusement parks.
Disneyland: Ages 3-9 Ages 10+
Six Flags: $29.99 $59.99
Lagoon: $35.95 $41.95
It also only opens from April to October.
M - Marriage/Dating
Okay, so let me start out by saying out of my high school group I hung out with only 2 including me are not married/divorced/or have kids. I’m 23 and in Utah I am considered an old maid because I am not married and don’t really date. I don’t care about that though, I’m pretty happy I’m not married and don’t have kids. Anyways, here the ultimate goal is usually get married a.s.a.p. and start popping out the babies! That’s usually the extent of most people lives here. That’s fine if that’s your goal, but shit if it isn’t, you are going to be one hell of an outsider! People here get married WAY too early and I think it’s mainly because they’re raised being told that’s the way to do it. Also, since this state is majorly against premarital sex, a lot of couples will get married just so they can finally doing the hanky panky or just don’t know any better. Because of this there are a lot of divorces, A LOT! It’s crazy how many guys or girls here you will meet or go on a date with and they’re only like 22, divorced and already have 2 or 3 kids.
N - Nationality/News
In Utah, it’s white people-galore. The only real mixture is Hispanics but they’re usually in Ogden, West Valley and Kearns. Now Utah likes to think it’s a special state with no problems and believe me when there is, they will usually only report on the news the crimes committed in the “low income” cities, AKA where all the other nationalities usually live. It’s actually pretty funny, but if there’s some crime talked about it’s usually always in Ogden, Kearns, West Valley and Salt Lake City. It’s so pathetic, what the people in Utah call a ghetto would be just heavenly compared to ghetto I lived in when I lived in central Phoenix; AZ. Utah really is in its own damn bubble I swear to god.
Anyways, since I kind of already mentioned the news, might as well keep it going. The news in Utah is so retarded! They usually report on dumb, useless information, like how there’s someone on American Idol that’s from Utah or how a damn cat got caught in a tree. That’s not news! What other people report on, Utah does not, especially if it involves scandals that make Utah look bad.
O - Organization
There’s something I noticed about Utah, there’s no organization or order to most things. For example, the grid system, who ever set up the cities in Utah were on crack! They are so confusing and extremely easy to get lost in especially if you have lived in another state or are visiting. Another thing is, in most states, there are nice neighborhoods and then there are the older home neighborhoods. It keeps some house’s values up and other down because of this. In Utah, it’s usually not like this, there are some neighborhoods with nothing but new houses and then they decide to make new nice expensive houses next to a trailer park or near really old ugly cheap houses. It really is quite odd and makes no sense, but not much in Utah does.
P - Parents/Family
Most people in Utah are parents, since everyone has children as stated earlier. Well, in Utah they have some of the prettiest mothers. You’re probably thinking, what’s wrong with that? Well, it’s pretty ridiculous when you have 6 kids, are in your late 40’s early 50’s and you are getting breast implants and trying to act and look like one of your teenage daughters. Then you have the complete opposite, parents who do not care what they look like, dressed horrible, no make up, hair isn’t done and just a mess! Also, it’s usually this set up among parents. The husband works and the wife stays home and is a house wife and scrapbooks and what not. So the husband has to make enough money so they can live their lives as if a perfect family. So better be able to afford that nice house, clothes, breast implants, and cars to put on a damn show!
R - Religion
This state in my opinion is mainly run by its majority population’s religion, yes, and the Mormons/LDS church. You can say it’s not, but it is and most people can see it. They are allowed to buy public property and make it so people can not use it for things like protesting or selling on. (Recently a gay couple say they were detained by security guards on a plaza owned by the Mormon church and later cited by police, claiming it stemmed from a kiss on the cheek.) There is a reason there is a State and Church separation, however, because they are in high numbers and in the legal system here they have definitely pulled strings. They also get away with a lot of things other states would not allow. I’m all for freedom of speech and choice of religion, but I believe that church and state should be SEPARATE and should be kept this way no matter how many people of one religion live in a state.
S - Sex
Here are some laws right off the back, which I find pretty freaking funny and are real:
* All sex with anyone but your spouse it outlawed.
* Adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment.
* Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy.
* Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.
* No woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman’s name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
One thing that pisses me off like no other is the sex education in this damn state. Parents bitch and scream when someone tries to actually teach these kids about safe sex and what not. So instead all they can teach is abstinence, well that doesn’t do much good for kids when they actually start having sex! Also, in Utah because of the lack of education they believe that anal sex is still not classified as sex, so they can get it in the butt and still be pure. Whether you believe this or not, anal sex is still an intimate act that can spread diseases or cause injury. Yet, they don’t know shit about protection, birth control and other important things people SHOULD know especially about STDs and STIs. Its dumb how people think if they don’t teach their children they won’t do it, or if we do teach them that it means they WILL do it. (meaning premarital sex)
T - Tax
Here are a few examples of what the tax rates in Utah are like.
Gas Tax Cigarette Tax Beer Tax Sales Tax
24.5 Cents $0.70 $0.41 5.90%
Not too bad, not really great. It’s also the fact they tax you FOR EVERYTHING.
Here is a short list of somethings we get taxed for;
State Sales & Use Tax
Local Sales & Use Tax
Mass Transit Tax
Additional Mass Transit Tax
Mass Tran Fixed Guide way
County Option Transportation
Rural Hospital Tax
Botanical, Cultural, Zoo Tax
Botanical, Cultural, Zoo Tax
County Option Sales Tax
Town Option Tax
Resort Community Tax
Additional Resort Comm. Tax
UFO - I chose this word because when I was living in Arizona and told my friends I was moving to Utah, most of them said, “The state full of Mormons and those UFO seeing hicks?” Yes, compared to the city life of Arizona, I have to say the mountain people, i.e. hicks are pretty damn scary here. The people you see getting interviewed because they say they were molested and abducted by aliens, yes, there are quite a few of those kind of people here. But they are more so out in the boonies and only come down to the cities for certain occasions. So they are not all over the place, but they are here and felt I should mention them.
Vanity - In Utah, I have found that most people are not very accepting of others that are outside of their culture, religion or ethnicity. People in Utah have a comfort zone and really prefer to not have it broken by anything out of the usual. Change is not something they prefer to happen and so if you are outside of the ordinary you are usually looked down upon. If you have a unique hair cut, style, tattoos, piercings or gaged ears you are also looked down on. If it is obvious you are of a different religion you are even more screwed. I notice that when there are a lot of people of a different race around and people come in they immediately get uptight and stare. I find a lot of people in Utah also are more likely to look down on those who are on the poor side. I guess the right word would be, that this state is on the snooty side. Beware because a lot of people here act and think that they are better than most people, then again people are like that everywhere.
W - Weather
Anyone who has lived or visited Utah probably knows about the bipolar weather we have here. One day it’s shiny and warm, the next it could be snowing. You can NEVER be sure of the weather and you can only trust the damn weather man about 60% of the time. There is no real set season here and it’s ridiculous!
Z - Zoo
The zoo in Utah is really lame and the poor animals don’t have shit for space! And we all pay taxes on it no matter what, so give the damn animals more space!